My dearest Marietje,
March 2012: after 6 weeks in an incubator you were finally allowed to come home. I had secretly promised to never leave you behind. 12 years later I can't do that anymore and have to leave you behind for a while.
What a hard week it has been. Everything feels like a last time, like a goodbye. Last time taking you to school, last time sleeping in our bed, ... I also hope it may be the last attacks.
Packing the suitcases felt incredibly heavy and they just didn't get packed the way they should. We are leaving on a leaden journey without knowing our final destination. But know one thing, dear Ella-Marie, this is not a journey you make alone. Olivia, Dad and I will always be there for you now too.
There was a life before and after that first attack. There is now also going to be a life before and after the surgery. I can only hope that it will be a better life for you.
You are an incredible go-getter.
Marietje, I love you.
Mommy