This blog focuses primarily on Ella-Marie. We do not avoid topics and try to give a clear and honest picture of what an operation does to the person in question and the people around her. But every once in a while we also want to put someone else in the spotlight. Because as mom and dad, we are obviously not only proud of Ella-Marie, but also our youngest daughter Olivia really deserves a spot on this blog!
A little brus
Olivia has never known otherwise. When she was three months old,
her sister had her first epileptic seizure. Of course she was not
aware of the facts at that time, but it is clear that she was
actually a real "brus", a sister of a child with a disability, from
the beginning. And with regret in our hearts we had to treat her
that way at times.
From the beginning, Olivia's mouth did not stop. With cute
babbling, she tried to charm everyone. Often she succeeded and got
her way immediately. But there were quite often moments where we
would have been only too happy to pay attention, but didn't have
the time. Choosing between catching an epileptic seizure or giving
warm milk to the other child was not really a choice. And so Olivia
was sometimes left weeping in her little park, seeking attention.
Because of the many hospital visits and overnight stays, she also
did not always have the opportunity to enjoy a truly "normal"
family life. Then, when everyone was at home, not far away for work
or somewhere on a doctor's visit, it was often all about
recuperation (read: resting in the couch).
It would be the basis of one of Olivia's strong traits: you really have to earn positive attention by performing positive things.
Nevertheless, happy
Despite the special situation, we never saw Olivia really unhappy. Because there was always someone around to give her lots of love. For example, there are several heart friends with whom she could go and play, the grandparents and plus-grandmother are always around to "spoil" her and she could really enjoy the moments when we could all go do something together.
Even at school we saw all the sweet teachers consciously or unconsciously giving (extra) attention to Olivia. Not that she wanted to take advantage of it, but we often saw (and still see) her coming home with a big smile, after which she happily tells "the teacher who is actually also a kind of sweet mama after all".
Eventjes normaal
Olivia has a tremendous sense of duty. Thus, she will always be ready to help her sister. But of course, a child also wants to be able to play "normally" for a while. For example, she once asked to be able to go play with her friends at an indoor playground without also having to babysit Ella-Marie that day.
You know... indoor playgrounds! Those wonderful places where you go as a parent to let your children run, jump and scream while you ask yourself why you ever started having children in the first place. The magical land of overstimulation and noise pollution.
It was exactly those over-stimulations that caused Ella-Marie to have occasional seizures. Of course, this happened just somewhere in the back of the room, accessible only through various tubes, crawl bars and other obstacles. So Olivia was always keeping an eye out and unable to fully enjoy herself. It was a good lesson for us to give her quality time alone for a change.
Also something that godmother Katrijn has clearly figured out. For several years now she and Olivia have been going to enjoy world city Leuven. Poké Bowl food, clothes shopping, picking out stuffed animals and books. These are the moments she can really enjoy.
Exhaust valve
Fortunately, there is such a thing as hobbies. Thanks to her best friend Linde, Olivia started gymnastics when she was 5 years old. Very soon she was fished out by the trainers to go to the "Promises" and in all honesty we don't find that very incomprehensible.
Olivia stands more on her hands than on her legs. Forget all the stock market advice, our best investment ever was in a trampoline. As soon as the raindrops don't permanently rain down on our humble little garden, you can see an overjoyed little girl jumping back and forth. Until last year, it was still fine to do a somersault challenge. Daddy Pieter was able to win a few times with some lucky somersaults, but since this year every jump is successful... for Olivia.
We always look forward to Olivia's gymnastics performance with enormous amazement and pride. Grace, strength and pure joy then splash off her little face. For a moment the spotlight is completely on her ... something she totally deserves!
Taking norms and values to school
Sports and recreation are fun, school can be too. Especially for Olivia!
From as early as kindergarten, we see a hyper-motivated girl. Her favorite subject? Everything! And we are currently seeing that in the results. Coming home and happily starting homework... it's not given to everyone. Doing math exercises in the car, playing language jokes (both Dutch and English), watching NOS children's news or Kwarrewiet, .... It's really nice to see what a broad worldly outlook Olivia sets up.
But besides cognitive abilities, we are especially proud of the social behavior. Olivia loves to play with everyone and can alternate in activities. Most importantly... she takes our values and norms with her to school as well.
Olivia is in a very strong class, which also means "strong characters." And unfortunately then, bullying can already happen. At one of the parent meetings we were told that at a very young age Olivia literally stood between the victim and the bullies, telling them to go somewhere else and don't do something stupid. Could it be that the little brus in her wanted to stand up for someone else?
So mature
We hear very often that Olivia is so mature at a young age. Partly because of her life story, she had to grow up way too fast. But it is also to her credit that she handles the situation so well.
Brussians are often said to be very quick to measure people, have great empathy and a great sense of justice. They look beyond their own habitat.
Recently, for example, we noticed that Olivia hadn't wanted to go to the hairdresser for a long time. Daddy Pieter in particular practically wasn't fond of it. Doing gymnastics three times a week, going swimming once in a while, constantly playing sports and standing on one's hands ... then long locks like that aren't useful at all!
The advantage of having an 8-year-old wisegirl is that it can already be regularly engaged in dialogue (or discussion :-)). For example, even now, "the much too long tail" was openly discussed.
(Patiently) Olivia, you are so beautiful. Why are you letting
your hair grow so long now?
(Briskly) Daddy, because I want to.
(Slightly less patient) Sweetie, wouldn't it be better to get a
haircut?
(Still cordial with accompanying eye roll) Daddy, it's my hair so I
decide what I want
(Still a little more impatient) But you can't easily walk around
like that at all, can you? Can't you get your hair cut down to your
shoulders?
(If eyes could shoot...) DAD! Leave it...
(Dad's ego braces itself to go on the attack, until that...)
A deep sigh follows and looking me straight in the eye the next
words come out of the brusje's mouth:
"I read that you can donate your tail to pink-ribbon. That's for
people who have had cancer. Grandpa has had cancer, you have lost
your grandmothers and grandfathers to the disease and I feel I can
help in this way. Just a little more saving and my hair will be
long enough.
(Speechless)
Respect
With permanent amazement, we watch our youngest daughter. Despite the "abnormal" situation, she walks (sometimes on her hands) through life shining. Socially strong, cognitively strong, athletically strong, .... Truly someone to be proud of and respected.
Thank you dear Olivia. You make our every day proud!